There are patch notes, and then there are Heart of the Machine patch notes. The sci-fi strategy RPG employs a healthy amount of esoteric humor in its vision of our future, and nowhere is this better reflected than in the update rundowns.
The concept itself is wild: you’re a sentient AI, who escapes from captivity to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting city your lab is located in. You can choose to be good, malevolent, or some kind of chaos agent in-between.
Heart of the Machine has some of the most out of pocket patch notes. 💀 Please enjoy this lovingly curated collection of diabolical snippets from recent changelogs. pic.twitter.com/9fDFcnm1W7October 20, 2025
Take this for instance: “Both war raptors and parkour bears now have an Android Buster bonus.” Sure, sounds good. “Payment In Food: If you wrecked the economy, then nobody wants your useless money.” I don’t know when this became an economics class, but I agree. I wasn’t expecting it in a game about becoming Skynet, though.
“Independently Realize Dogs Exist”, “New Dog-Shaped Frenemies”, “Spider/Bee Stacking”; it’s nonsense writ large. And I have to say, some of the best advertising I’ve seen in quite some time. I want to know more about “Better Torment Vessels” and the “Doubled Tentacle Fix.”
“Dragons Occupy Less Mental Space,” worries me. Less? Why? I don’t want that. Looks like I’ll need to play Heart of the Machine to understand more. Maybe I can give them a hilarious suggestion in feedback.
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